An acclaimed writer and comedian, associated with several large-name cable networks, was recently invited to a college comedy session hosted in the campus center. College students payed a fair fee to attend and were delighted, in the beginning, when the comedian started talking about daily cultural norms and bland politics.
However, things clearly took a turn for the dark when the comedian began mentioning liberal politics, and the supposed comedy session got downright nasty when he started telling jokes about ‘oppressed’ minority groups.
All accounts of the comedy session agree that the jokes were actually quite good. However, that didn’t matter as any jokes about minority groups is always wrong. At least, that’s according to statements made by the college student council following the event.
While on stage, the comedian began telling jokes about gays, blacks, taxi drivers, airport security, hipsters, pianists and Jewish people. Waves of indignation could visibly be seen spreading up and down the student body as eyes popped open and sphincters snapped shut.
Members of the student council who were present attempted to cut the mic, however, the guy in charge of the sound system had gone home for the night and the students present couldn’t find the right switch, despite flipping several of them in a desperate attempt to stave off the hate.
Despite flickering lights and the doors opening and closing on their own, the comedian continued to deliver a non-stop stream of hilarity and light-hearted cultural introspection.
Desperate to stop the hate-filled bigot, several of the students actually tried approaching him on stage and forcefully taking the mic.
Determined not to lose his momentum, the comedian simply raised his free arm and began telling jokes about the students themselves. Knocked back a few feet by the aura of hate and negativity, the students were forced to flee from the stage and evacuate the campus center.
The comedian, after finishing his stint sometime later, quietly and respectfully packed up his materials and went home for the night.
As of writing, those students closest to the stage were being treated for PTSD by campus doctors. Those who actually approached the comedian and were knocked back by his vitriol have been put into decontamination for fourteen days, to ensure they remain uninfected by pure hate.